My Other Husband

Well folks - I'm well overdue for a post and an apology.  When I started training for the Pittsburgh half marathon in January, I had a lot of ideas about what these months would look like.  I had dreams of running an easy 5 miles on Tuesday and Thursday and gritting my teeth and conquering a 9 on Saturday.   I thought I'd write so many blog posts you'd all get tired of me.  I saw myself changing my eating habits and losing 5 pounds.....it turns out all of these goals were much more difficult than I thought they would be.

The last few months have been a real struggle for me in my running.
I don't know why it happened, but I really just hit a wall at 3 miles.  I was embarrassed so I stopped blogging about it and started joking when people asked me how training was going.  I lost all my accountability just out of pride.  I felt like anybody could run 3 miles if they really tried but the thing was, I was really trying and it just wasn't going very well at all.

This got to me.  I was going to the gym two or three times a week and just wasn't getting better, it really didn't make me just jump out of bed in the morning excited to hit the treadmill.  I started to really dread the runs, long and short.  So while I was physically putting in the time, (and a lot of time at that!), my mind was so removed that things actually started to get worse.  I "couldn't" run 2 miles anymore but I was at the gym all the time.  Greg started  calling running my other husband.  He was right too!  I was cancelling dinner plans, not getting to Bible study, and always showing up late to things I had committed to because I was always at the gym.  He took a back seat to my running and I wasn't even improving.



So what the heck happened?!?

Well, I'm pretty sure I just let my mind get out of control.  Then one day I realized that all the reasons I had for training at all had fallen from my mind.  I wasn't running to raise money for L.I.V.I.N.G. Ministry, or to honor the Lord, or to start to like running.  I wasn't even running to fit into cute boots in the fall!  I was running because I "had to".  This was my thought process during almost every run from mid February through late March:

If I didn't get the miles in I wouldn't finish the training plan.
If I didn't finish the training plan I wouldn't be able to run the full 13.1.
If I didn't run the full 13.1 I would have done all this for nothing.
I can't run the full 13.1 anyway, I'm already doing this for nothing.
Well if it's all a waste of time anyway, I'll just walk the rest of today's distance.
I feel awful for walking. I'm a failure. I will now cry on the ride home about what I did not achieve.

Here's what then dawned on me:  Running because I "have to" is toxic.  It steals my joy, it doesn't glorify God, and it won't help me meet any of my goals.  I want to be a person who likes to run and this wasn't the way to be come that person.

So I made a new plan:
Run as far as I can; and if I can, try to go farther than the last time.  That's it. Just run.  No mandatory distance, no time limits, just run until I can't run anymore.  Run and feel some joy, run and see some improvement, run and pray and thank God for a body healthy enough to run at all.  

This is what I've been doing for the last two weeks.  I'm back over 2 miles again, and while I will probably have to walk a little bit on Marathon day I am finally excited again!  

I'm training better than I have all year and I feel more confident than I did two months ago, this is the breakthrough I needed.  Six weeks ago if you asked me how far I thought I'd run on race day I'd have hoped for 5 or 6 miles and I was so ashamed I didn't even want to tell people about it.  Today I think I can make it pretty far: maybe even 10 or 11!  Phillipians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, and with Christ's strength I may even be able to pull out a full 13.1!  All I know is that I am finally running in a way that is sustainable and exciting.


One more thought before I wrap up and this one is important.  

When I got to that last thought (I feel awful for walking. I'm a failure. I will now cry on the ride home about what I did not achieve) I got to an attitude nobody should have, especially not a follower of Christ.  I know that I am unable to achieve anything on my own.  I can't run a half marathon, I can't have a healthy marriage, I can't even wake up and lie down on my own power.  What I'm most certain of, I could never measure up to the standard of perfection that Christs asks of his children (Matthew 5:48 - You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect).

What I do know is that it is the power of Christ that does these things in our lives.  When God the Father looks at me, he sees the perfection of Christ and not my failures (of which there are many).  When Christ went to the cross, he took on all sin for all eternity: right down to my laziness about running and the pride that kept me from sharing my struggle.

And this is why I'm running at all - because this is the Good News that I am blessed to share with the homeless in Pittsburgh, and blessed to share with you too!  The good news that even when we fail, and we will fail, Christ steps in.  We are perfect because Christ is perfect, and all we need to do is allow him to be our perfection.

So tomorrow as I go for my run, I will run with the imperfect steps of a lazy sinner with too much pride.  But my pride and my laziness are being broken through the power of Christ, and my steps, both physically and spiritually, are becoming perfect through this miracle.  I hope that your steps are becoming perfect too.

If you would like to financially support me as I share this great news through my work at LIVING Ministry, you can donate online here, mentioning "Jenna B Half Marathon" in the comment section.  Using our website has the lowest processing fee available for online donations.  To make a donation with no processing fee at all (your whole donation goes right to the Ministry!) you can mail a check to LIVING Ministry at 2536 Maple Ave, Pittsburgh PA 15214.  Thank you for your support!