For every single run since I started training, I had to walk at least a small part. It's been so disheartening. Recently I've noticed a measurable improvement - my mind was definitely quitting before my body as I wound down week 2. The thing that got me discouraged was that I knew I would be adding mileage this week, and I began to wonder (I even wrote in my running log) "Will I ever run the whole thing?!"
Yesterday was my day people!
It was only 2 miles which is actually less than I ran last Thursday or Friday, so I really thought it was possible, but my mind started to wander around 1.25 miles which has been a bad sign in the past. I just told myself: No, this is the day you do it, this is the day you run it all.
I knew I could so I just didn't let myself stop. And I did it! No walking at all. Not only did I run the whole 2 miles, I did them at a faster pace than normal! Even if I have to walk part of every training run from here on out, this was a major victory for me.
Like I said, my body can definitely do more than I give it credit for. My legs aren't as tired as they were the first week, my heart rate is in a healthier range now that I've found a good pace, I've even gotten a good idea of when I should be drinking water as I go. The problem is my mind. It's so easy to just think "This is too far, I'll just walk for .10 of a mile, maybe. 25 and then run again" but I can't let myself think like that if I want to run the whole 13.1 in May. So in the last week I started trying some different things and they all did help. I watched an episode of White Collar on Greg's tablet, I listened to sermons on my iPod, and I reminded myself what I am running for.
When I'm struggling with the temptation to quit I remind myself of the things my friends are struggling with. If I can sit down to lunch with a recovering crack cocaine addict who lives in a building where people use literally (not figuratively, literally) every day, and she can tell me how Jesus is sustaining her, how can I not run the last half mile? If I hear stories about a mother reconciling with her children for the first time in their adult lives, how can I not run an extra mile for the first time in mine? If I believe Christ really has the power to change our lives if we submit to his work changing it, how can I not submit to a few miles on a treadmill?
Running has been a great reminder for me of just how difficult it is to struggle. I try not to do hard things, I don't really like to (I mean, nobody does) and often there are people around me who are better suited or who can help me (Greg can reach the high shelves when I need something, Charles can show me how to use the printer when it breaks down, Jen and Samone can help me out in a tough conversation at the shelter, it goes on and on).
But the reality I've been considering as I struggle to keep running when I'd rather just walk is that homelessness is a serious struggle. There is no option to not do hard things - everything is hard. I'm sure I will have a struggle every single day I run, but at least I get two or three rest days a week, the people I'm running for don't get any. It's a great reminder that I have to continue to pray for Jesus' much greater strength as I get tired, and for that same strength as my friends get tired too. I hope you'll join me in praying for them this week as they struggle. Please pray for them as they face finanical inscurity, broken relationships, and bitter cold in Pittsburgh this week (it's currently 14 degrees).
As I run for LIVING Ministry, please consider financially supporting me and my daily work sharing Christ and his hope with the homeless. Your donation will support our shelter outreach programs, our weekly breakfast service, job fairs, and more! You can give on our website and mention the marathon in the comment box, or visit my page on Crowdrise. Thank you all for the encouragement and support!
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