I don't have a ton of structure to these ideas, I just want to share some things that happened or that I noticed this week.
I am a much better runner than I was a year ago.
I still feel like I'm slow and weak but it's good to see where I've come from. Earlier this week I reread all of my blog (it's not that long guys, I was awful at updating it last year) and I remembered I couldn't run 2 miles (flat, no incline!) on my first day last year. Today I ran 2 miles at 12 minute pace with incline. It was hard but I didn't let myself stop. A year ago that would have been pretty much impossible.
I'm also much more flexible.
I've been so surprised by how quickly I'm improving just by stretching after every run! I'm not trying out for Cirque Du Soleil anytime soon but my hamstrings aren't nearly as tight as they were 3 weeks ago, and (don't laugh) but I should be able to touch my toes soon! I couldn't do that since high school.
I feel good when I work out.
Let me just be clear, I feel like a giant idiot in the gym because it seems like the top 10% of beautiful people in Pittsburgh work out there, but Greg reminds me pretty often that I pay the same fee they pay to be there and it's my gym as much as it is theirs. Even though I'm not all that glamorous, I rarely ever leave the gym feeling worse than when I came in. I'm really enjoying working out a lot more than I ever thought I would!
Working out can be a good time for worship.
Earlier this week one of my friends (who I met when she started volunteering at LIVING Ministry) posted about how working out can be worship on her Facebook page. It was such a great reminder this week! Working out makes us steward or bodies and time, reminds us to be humble, and is a great time to reflect on what Jesus went through for our redemption. When the last mile or set seems impossible, it is good to remember that Christ went through much greater physical duress just for our salvation. When we push ourselves (carefully obviously, don't hurt yourself!) it's a good time to reflect on the precious price of our salvation.
I should eat better.
I ate buffalo chicken dip this week for like 3 meals..well for what should have been a meal, BCD is not actually a meal. Time to get back to thoughtful eating including veggies. Running isn't just moving my legs quickly, it's a lot of before and after that too, including what I eat.
I'm really enjoying learning about how running is changing me mentally and physically. It's a great reminder that when we work faithfully, God is faithful to change us!
If you would like to support me as I run the Pittsburgh Half Marathon for LIVING Ministry to share this message of hope in God's faithfulness, please visit our website (www.livingministry.org) and click on the Donate Now button on the left side of the page mentioning Jenna B Marathon in the comment section. You can also send a check to our office (2536 Maple Ave, Pittsburgh PA 15214).
Thank you for reading along with my journey friends, time to eat (a healthy!) lunch!
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Tension Chart
Last Christmas my brother-in-law Ed taught me about the tension chart. The idea is there is a certain amount of tension between the things you say you want to do and the things you do. Now, in the interest of transparency, I'm not a very good student. I don't remember the way the chart actually looks but I'm making up my own chart for you to see! I think about this principle often and this is what it looks like in my head:
Oooo man would you just LOOK at that graphic design. Who knew my skill set would reach so far?!
Anyway, on with the tension chart. Ed mentioned the example that many people have a goal to lose weight. But to lose weight you need to create new eating habits, start or change your exercise routine, possibly wake up at 5AM to get time to work out, maybe you need to log all of your food....it's a lot of work to reach that goal. You have to change a lot of your old behaviors that don't jive with your new goal to reach it! Someone who is likely to reach their goal would need a chart that looks like this:
Oooo man would you just LOOK at that graphic design. Who knew my skill set would reach so far?!
Anyway, on with the tension chart. Ed mentioned the example that many people have a goal to lose weight. But to lose weight you need to create new eating habits, start or change your exercise routine, possibly wake up at 5AM to get time to work out, maybe you need to log all of your food....it's a lot of work to reach that goal. You have to change a lot of your old behaviors that don't jive with your new goal to reach it! Someone who is likely to reach their goal would need a chart that looks like this:
Well friends, my goal is to run (not walk) the Pittsburgh Half Marathon this May. I am feeling the tension...and my chart for the last few days has not looked much like that inspiring chart above. Currently my chart is looking a little more like:
Guys! I'm a lightning bolt of danger! I want to be a star!
The reality I'm learning is that I am not necessarily super at change. I want to change, but man do I love my old behaviors, I'm just so good at them! What are these old behaviors you ask? Well watching Heros on Netflix is one...sleeping until the last possible minute is another. Really this boils down to the number one thing that I'm struggling with: making running and working out a priority.
Most days I get up for work with about 45 minutes to brush my teeth, figure out what to wear, get dressed, eat breakfast, pack lunch, and probably these days clean snow off the car. That's assuming I showered at night, some mornings I might need to fit a shower in those 45 minutes too...yikes! Then I go to work, like so many other people, all day . Usually my day after work is pretty filled up, I might have about an hour between work and some kind of commitment in the evening. If I get home between 9 and 10, I'm really just too tired to go to the gym.
So the only time I can run would be before I start those first 45 minutes. I've really been struggling with getting up and getting myself moving, I'm just not good at it. I know that I can get good at it(I'm being renewed, remember?!), but I'm still definitely a work in progress.
Then there are nights when Netflix really does just call to me. It says "Jenna, you've been running around for 3 days, why don't you just sit here and see what Sylar, Claire, Peter and the gang are up to?" And you know what, I do it! I just sit down and watch Heros because that's the show I'm watching these days. And I don't run even one mile. Not one. That's not too good for the old tension chart.
All this is to say, I want to be a super star, not a lightning bolt! There isn't much more to this post than to come clean. My chart is not in good shape, but with a little accountability it can get into good shape, and so can I! Good enough, in fact, to run half a marathon.
...And with that, it's time to hit the gym. 30 minutes of strength training on the agenda for tonight and it's already almost 10. But I've got a goal and I'm going to make it!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Back At It
Well 2014 is a full month underway by now which means we are well into marathon season!
This year I am taking on the challenge of the Pittsburgh Half Marathon again, and like last year I am running to raise money for LIVING Ministry, the ministry I work for. We are a group of people who love Christ and love the poor and want to uncover Christ's hope among the poor. It's always there, but sometimes that hope seems almost impossible to see under layers and layers of challenges the poor face.
For example, this week temperatures are dipping well below freezing here in Pittsburgh. It's hard to see the hope Christ offers when you sleep in a tent under an overpass and spend a good deal of your energy simply keeping warm. Our friends face difficulties beyond just the cold though. They deal with addiction, joblessness, families that don't want to speak to them, anger issues, the stigma of a criminal record and more. It's hard to see hope when there are so many things demanding your attention first.
But we know that Jesus offers hope that is present all along;, not just when things are rosy and bright, but at every moment of our lives. And this is not only the hope of a new and eternal life in him, but hope of transformation and renewal of our lives! This hope isn't just for the middle class or the wealthy, it is for everyone, and I have the pleasure of sharing this hope full time with LIVING Ministry.
This year I, personally, am holding tight to the hope of a renewed mind. January 1st I read Romans 12:2 and my heart was filled with a lightness. I can't tell you how many times I've read this verse in my life but for some reason this time it just shouted "THERE'S HOPE IN HERE!"
I've always worried and talked myself down. In fact, my bad attitude was a big problem for me last year as I trained for the half marathon. I just got it in my mind that it was impossible for me to run a full 13 miles, and ultimately I didn't. I ran some and walked some and in the end I finished the half, but I didn't run it all because I just kept on telling myself it was impossible. I had no hope.
This year, I'm letting Jesus renew my mind and transform my life. I'm creating a new pattern by trusting more deeply in him. As I cling to this hope and experience change in my life, I'm very excited to share my experience with you and with the homeless. If Jesus can change part of me, he can change part of anybody, I believe this first hand experience of Christ and his power in a life is what expresses hope the best.
So today I will not tell myself it is impossible, I will tell myself that through Christ all things are possible. And I will run the 3 miles my training plan has laid out, because I believe that this year I can do it. I have a new hope and I hope you'll join me as I run to share that hope with others.
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and prove what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will.
This year I am taking on the challenge of the Pittsburgh Half Marathon again, and like last year I am running to raise money for LIVING Ministry, the ministry I work for. We are a group of people who love Christ and love the poor and want to uncover Christ's hope among the poor. It's always there, but sometimes that hope seems almost impossible to see under layers and layers of challenges the poor face.
For example, this week temperatures are dipping well below freezing here in Pittsburgh. It's hard to see the hope Christ offers when you sleep in a tent under an overpass and spend a good deal of your energy simply keeping warm. Our friends face difficulties beyond just the cold though. They deal with addiction, joblessness, families that don't want to speak to them, anger issues, the stigma of a criminal record and more. It's hard to see hope when there are so many things demanding your attention first.
But we know that Jesus offers hope that is present all along;, not just when things are rosy and bright, but at every moment of our lives. And this is not only the hope of a new and eternal life in him, but hope of transformation and renewal of our lives! This hope isn't just for the middle class or the wealthy, it is for everyone, and I have the pleasure of sharing this hope full time with LIVING Ministry.
This year I, personally, am holding tight to the hope of a renewed mind. January 1st I read Romans 12:2 and my heart was filled with a lightness. I can't tell you how many times I've read this verse in my life but for some reason this time it just shouted "THERE'S HOPE IN HERE!"
I've always worried and talked myself down. In fact, my bad attitude was a big problem for me last year as I trained for the half marathon. I just got it in my mind that it was impossible for me to run a full 13 miles, and ultimately I didn't. I ran some and walked some and in the end I finished the half, but I didn't run it all because I just kept on telling myself it was impossible. I had no hope.
This year, I'm letting Jesus renew my mind and transform my life. I'm creating a new pattern by trusting more deeply in him. As I cling to this hope and experience change in my life, I'm very excited to share my experience with you and with the homeless. If Jesus can change part of me, he can change part of anybody, I believe this first hand experience of Christ and his power in a life is what expresses hope the best.
So today I will not tell myself it is impossible, I will tell myself that through Christ all things are possible. And I will run the 3 miles my training plan has laid out, because I believe that this year I can do it. I have a new hope and I hope you'll join me as I run to share that hope with others.
Romans 12:2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and prove what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will.
If you would like to sponsor me as I run for LIVING Ministry visit our donation page by clicking here ( make sure to mention Jenna B Marathon in the comment section!) or by visiting my page on Crowdrise. Giving through our website takes the least processing fee out of your online donation, so you are encouraged to visit our website first to ensure the most of your donation goes directly to LIVING Ministry.
Monday, June 10, 2013
A New Discipline
I started blogging to share my adventures in running. Really, running is a discipline that I started working on in January and am still far from mastering. (Ironically, this post about discipline comes after far too long of an absence from blogging. In fact, I haven't even written a recap of the Marathon in May, which I really do plan to do.) But now that the half is over, I'm looking not only to keep up my efforts in running, but to work on living a more orderly and disciplined life. And today is the first day in a brand new discipline for me...
Today in our staff meeting we talked about sin. Specifically, the sins that plague us. The sins we just can't get around, even after we've prayed, asked for accountability, and promised ourselves that we just wouldn't do that anymore. The sermon we used to kick-start the discussion said (this is a very broad overview) that it isn't sin we should be fighting against, but rather knowledge of God we should be fighting for. One phrase that really struck me suggested (strongly) that we should be seeking to reach a point where we are so satisfied in Christ that the temptation to sin no longer distracts us. Think about it. Our hearts are so full of Jesus, that there just isn't room for sin to appeal to them. Yeah, I'd like that life! No more shame or guilt or frustration, just Christ and a satisfaction in him.
So the last question of our discussion was really a challenge: how can we draw nearer to God, to know him more and know sin less? For me this wasn't very hard to figure out.
Here is the reality of my life. I really, really think that I am too busy. I find myself thinking all the time "How do I have this many things on my schedule!?" and rushing to get from one meeting to another. But I am in actuality, not as busy as I think I am. And here's how I know that. In the last three weeks I've watched a little more than two seasons of Doctor Who and probably 10 other episodes of miscellaneous TV shows (Grey's Anatomy, Arrested Development, Hell's Kitchen just to name a few). That is a lot of time spent with the Doctor (9th, and 10th for those of you who care to know) and his companions on Netflix and Hulu....I mean a lot of time. And while I really do enjoy television and think there are some very good things to watch, I just really do not need to watch quite so much.
So how can I, personally, draw nearer to God? Cut the TV.
This is a major life decision for me. I love pop culture, like really love it. In my life since high school I've probably averaged about 25 hours of TV a week. I never drive without the radio on. If I'm not on Facebook, I'm on Buzzfeed. I love this stuff. I even studied it in college (yeah, that's part of a Communications major people!). But all of the time I spend with things the world is offering me, even if they are good things (which okay Grey's maybe isn't the best the world has to offer...) keep me from spending time with the Lord. I can't pray and watch Doctor Who, I can't read the Word as Gordon Ramsey screams at the poor chefs trying to win his game show, and I can't listen to what my husband is saying to me while I'm reading an article about the cast of the next MTV Challenge. I just can't.
So for the next 40 days I'll be on a TV fast. I'm not sure of the rules just yet, will I let myself watch TV on the treadmill at the gym? or maybe have one program a week? or any of those details (but I will be taking them all to God in prayer as I get started). Today is the first day of my fast and I've been home for an hour and a half without turning on the TV.
So far I don't like it very much. I think it's more because my routine is to come home and turn something on without even thinking about it. It's hard for me to sit here in silence with nothing to see and hear. Right now it feels like more of an issue of a disrupted routine than a spiritual discipline, but I'm sure the challenges will develop and change as the days go by.
As I said, what I really want to do is live a more orderly and disciplined life and I believe this will be a good step in that direction. Without a show to watch, I'm hoping to get back out and running and spend more time reading. I also want to work on prayer, possibly even starting my first ever prayer journal!
I started blogging about running in an effort to track the way I became more physically disciplined. Over the months I spent training for the marathon I realized there were so many spiritual lessons to be learned in the discipline of running. It honestly amazed me. As I work my way back into running, today I'm starting a new discipline. I'm looking forward to sharing my life without TV with you, and maybe, if I'm dual-disciplined, with my running sneakers too.
Today in our staff meeting we talked about sin. Specifically, the sins that plague us. The sins we just can't get around, even after we've prayed, asked for accountability, and promised ourselves that we just wouldn't do that anymore. The sermon we used to kick-start the discussion said (this is a very broad overview) that it isn't sin we should be fighting against, but rather knowledge of God we should be fighting for. One phrase that really struck me suggested (strongly) that we should be seeking to reach a point where we are so satisfied in Christ that the temptation to sin no longer distracts us. Think about it. Our hearts are so full of Jesus, that there just isn't room for sin to appeal to them. Yeah, I'd like that life! No more shame or guilt or frustration, just Christ and a satisfaction in him.
So the last question of our discussion was really a challenge: how can we draw nearer to God, to know him more and know sin less? For me this wasn't very hard to figure out.
Here is the reality of my life. I really, really think that I am too busy. I find myself thinking all the time "How do I have this many things on my schedule!?" and rushing to get from one meeting to another. But I am in actuality, not as busy as I think I am. And here's how I know that. In the last three weeks I've watched a little more than two seasons of Doctor Who and probably 10 other episodes of miscellaneous TV shows (Grey's Anatomy, Arrested Development, Hell's Kitchen just to name a few). That is a lot of time spent with the Doctor (9th, and 10th for those of you who care to know) and his companions on Netflix and Hulu....I mean a lot of time. And while I really do enjoy television and think there are some very good things to watch, I just really do not need to watch quite so much.
So how can I, personally, draw nearer to God? Cut the TV.
This is a major life decision for me. I love pop culture, like really love it. In my life since high school I've probably averaged about 25 hours of TV a week. I never drive without the radio on. If I'm not on Facebook, I'm on Buzzfeed. I love this stuff. I even studied it in college (yeah, that's part of a Communications major people!). But all of the time I spend with things the world is offering me, even if they are good things (which okay Grey's maybe isn't the best the world has to offer...) keep me from spending time with the Lord. I can't pray and watch Doctor Who, I can't read the Word as Gordon Ramsey screams at the poor chefs trying to win his game show, and I can't listen to what my husband is saying to me while I'm reading an article about the cast of the next MTV Challenge. I just can't.
So for the next 40 days I'll be on a TV fast. I'm not sure of the rules just yet, will I let myself watch TV on the treadmill at the gym? or maybe have one program a week? or any of those details (but I will be taking them all to God in prayer as I get started). Today is the first day of my fast and I've been home for an hour and a half without turning on the TV.
So far I don't like it very much. I think it's more because my routine is to come home and turn something on without even thinking about it. It's hard for me to sit here in silence with nothing to see and hear. Right now it feels like more of an issue of a disrupted routine than a spiritual discipline, but I'm sure the challenges will develop and change as the days go by.
As I said, what I really want to do is live a more orderly and disciplined life and I believe this will be a good step in that direction. Without a show to watch, I'm hoping to get back out and running and spend more time reading. I also want to work on prayer, possibly even starting my first ever prayer journal!
I started blogging about running in an effort to track the way I became more physically disciplined. Over the months I spent training for the marathon I realized there were so many spiritual lessons to be learned in the discipline of running. It honestly amazed me. As I work my way back into running, today I'm starting a new discipline. I'm looking forward to sharing my life without TV with you, and maybe, if I'm dual-disciplined, with my running sneakers too.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
One Week!
One week from now I'll be running the streets of Pittsburgh! The race officially starts at 7:00AM, and I have no idea how long it will take to get through the start line but I'd imagine by 8:30 I'd have at least 2 miles behind me. I cannot believe how close it is!
Last week I did a training run with Monica, one of the women who running the relay with our women's team, and Samone one of our women on staff who is also on the relay team. We ran Monica's leg of the relay which is also the first 5.5 miles of the half and full marathon. Because we will both be running this leg in its entirety, I think I'll actually be running with Monica next week (assuming I can find her in the crowd - last year 25,000 runners attended!). I'm really grateful for that opportunity. It will be not only some encouragement for us both as we run, but for me it will be a great reminder of why I'm running.
Watching Monica run has been a really fun experience for me. She is in her 50s, a regular smoker, and she doesn't exercise except for walking Downtown. When we run together we go slowly and we take a few walking breaks. But Monica has the heart for running that I want to have. As we were on a walking break last Tuesday she said "Okay you are walking too slow, we have to run fast! This is a marathon!" And when we had walked long enough that I thought I could push her to run a little more, she'd be jogging before I even finished asking "Do you want to run a few blocks now?". Literally. I mean she literally started before I could finish that question.
Monica wants to make changes in her life. She wants to be healthier, get and apartment with a kitchen (she rents a room without one now), and live more like Christ every single day.
A lot of times I think that the work I do should encourage the homeless. That by showing up in the shelter and getting to know the people there and sharing a Bible study that they can have hope. And that's true, there is a unique and perfect hope that comes from Christ and I am blessed to be able to share it. But often, very often, I think about these men and women and I am the one encouraged. By their strength, by their knowledge, by their fight, their passion, their honesty. I find myself wanting to be more like the homeless in a lot of ways. It's really a pleasure to be able to run so that I can continue to serve them.
I am so looking forward to running these first 5.5 with Monica next week. I want to be in my 50s telling other people to pick up the pace one day! I can't think of a better way to start this half marathon.
And hey! If you're in Pittsburgh come out and cheer us on! You can find a map of my course here, and if you want to catch some of our relay team you can find the map for the full marathon here. Seeing some familiar faces will really let me know I'm not alone on those last 8 miles!
And of course, if you'd like to sponsor me as I run next weekend for LIVING Ministry, you can visit our website. Make sure to mention Jenna B Marathon in the comment section so that we know how to categorize your donation. One week to go and our team is 66% of our total fundraising goal!
Thank you all for the support and encouragement. In the time it's taken to write this I should have run about 2 more miles....only 9 more to go ;) Wish me luck!
Last week I did a training run with Monica, one of the women who running the relay with our women's team, and Samone one of our women on staff who is also on the relay team. We ran Monica's leg of the relay which is also the first 5.5 miles of the half and full marathon. Because we will both be running this leg in its entirety, I think I'll actually be running with Monica next week (assuming I can find her in the crowd - last year 25,000 runners attended!). I'm really grateful for that opportunity. It will be not only some encouragement for us both as we run, but for me it will be a great reminder of why I'm running.
Watching Monica run has been a really fun experience for me. She is in her 50s, a regular smoker, and she doesn't exercise except for walking Downtown. When we run together we go slowly and we take a few walking breaks. But Monica has the heart for running that I want to have. As we were on a walking break last Tuesday she said "Okay you are walking too slow, we have to run fast! This is a marathon!" And when we had walked long enough that I thought I could push her to run a little more, she'd be jogging before I even finished asking "Do you want to run a few blocks now?". Literally. I mean she literally started before I could finish that question.
Monica wants to make changes in her life. She wants to be healthier, get and apartment with a kitchen (she rents a room without one now), and live more like Christ every single day.
A lot of times I think that the work I do should encourage the homeless. That by showing up in the shelter and getting to know the people there and sharing a Bible study that they can have hope. And that's true, there is a unique and perfect hope that comes from Christ and I am blessed to be able to share it. But often, very often, I think about these men and women and I am the one encouraged. By their strength, by their knowledge, by their fight, their passion, their honesty. I find myself wanting to be more like the homeless in a lot of ways. It's really a pleasure to be able to run so that I can continue to serve them.
I am so looking forward to running these first 5.5 with Monica next week. I want to be in my 50s telling other people to pick up the pace one day! I can't think of a better way to start this half marathon.
And hey! If you're in Pittsburgh come out and cheer us on! You can find a map of my course here, and if you want to catch some of our relay team you can find the map for the full marathon here. Seeing some familiar faces will really let me know I'm not alone on those last 8 miles!
And of course, if you'd like to sponsor me as I run next weekend for LIVING Ministry, you can visit our website. Make sure to mention Jenna B Marathon in the comment section so that we know how to categorize your donation. One week to go and our team is 66% of our total fundraising goal!
Thank you all for the support and encouragement. In the time it's taken to write this I should have run about 2 more miles....only 9 more to go ;) Wish me luck!
Thursday, April 11, 2013
My Actual Husband
Today I ran with Greg. When we started dating we made a goal not to be those people. We wanted people to feel comfortable hanging out with us, even if there was just us and one friend, nobody ever should feel like a third wheel. Well right now I'm going to be that wife. Just for a second and then I promise, back to business as usual.
Greg is awesome. There are times when I think to myself...how the heck did this guy marry me?! Today was one of these times.
I had to run tonight but I just wasn't feeling it. I was weirdly moody when he got home (I think it was from me trying to learn how to play chess...not a joke that got me so frustrated!) and I was really not into going running. So Greg went with me.
Together we ran just under 4 miles (3.93), I had to walk about a quarter mile (in three small breaks) because I got a pretty bad side sticker but mostly I was able to keep going, and this was one of my best runs ever!
This is how I know Greg loves me: he saw me feeling down and he said he'd go with me. He saw me when I wasn't doing well and he let me walk, but not long enough to turn into a quitter. He has compassion and patience and he runs slower than he would on his own because he knows my need.
When I think about how much I love marriage, I'm just blown away by the love of the Father. Because here is the reality: as much as Greg loves me, it isn't as much as Christ does. I think it's hard for us to imagine being loved as much as God loves us because His greatest display of love for us was over 2,000 years ago. He doesn't physically run alongside of me and tell me I'm doing great, just a few more blocks. He doesn't do those things because he saw us in a much greater mess than not wanting to run tonight and said "you're not doing so great, you've got farther to go than you can ever go on your own, let me run it for you".
That is love. Sharing that love is why I run.
Greg is awesome. There are times when I think to myself...how the heck did this guy marry me?! Today was one of these times.
I had to run tonight but I just wasn't feeling it. I was weirdly moody when he got home (I think it was from me trying to learn how to play chess...not a joke that got me so frustrated!) and I was really not into going running. So Greg went with me.
Together we ran just under 4 miles (3.93), I had to walk about a quarter mile (in three small breaks) because I got a pretty bad side sticker but mostly I was able to keep going, and this was one of my best runs ever!
This is how I know Greg loves me: he saw me feeling down and he said he'd go with me. He saw me when I wasn't doing well and he let me walk, but not long enough to turn into a quitter. He has compassion and patience and he runs slower than he would on his own because he knows my need.
When I think about how much I love marriage, I'm just blown away by the love of the Father. Because here is the reality: as much as Greg loves me, it isn't as much as Christ does. I think it's hard for us to imagine being loved as much as God loves us because His greatest display of love for us was over 2,000 years ago. He doesn't physically run alongside of me and tell me I'm doing great, just a few more blocks. He doesn't do those things because he saw us in a much greater mess than not wanting to run tonight and said "you're not doing so great, you've got farther to go than you can ever go on your own, let me run it for you".
That is love. Sharing that love is why I run.
Don't forget that you can share this love with the homeless too! By supporting me as I run, you are funding LIVING Ministry and our work sharing the Gospel in the shelters of Pittsburgh. Donate online here (mention Jenna B in the comment section!) or by mail to LIVING Ministry at 2536 Maple Ave Pittsburgh PA 15214.
Monday, April 8, 2013
My Other Husband
Well folks - I'm well overdue for a post and an apology. When I started training for the Pittsburgh half marathon in January, I had a lot of ideas about what these months would look like. I had dreams of running an easy 5 miles on Tuesday and Thursday and gritting my teeth and conquering a 9 on Saturday. I thought I'd write so many blog posts you'd all get tired of me. I saw myself changing my eating habits and losing 5 pounds.....it turns out all of these goals were much more difficult than I thought they would be.
The last few months have been a real struggle for me in my running.
I don't know why it happened, but I really just hit a wall at 3 miles. I was embarrassed so I stopped blogging about it and started joking when people asked me how training was going. I lost all my accountability just out of pride. I felt like anybody could run 3 miles if they really tried but the thing was, I was really trying and it just wasn't going very well at all.
This got to me. I was going to the gym two or three times a week and just wasn't getting better, it really didn't make me just jump out of bed in the morning excited to hit the treadmill. I started to really dread the runs, long and short. So while I was physically putting in the time, (and a lot of time at that!), my mind was so removed that things actually started to get worse. I "couldn't" run 2 miles anymore but I was at the gym all the time. Greg started calling running my other husband. He was right too! I was cancelling dinner plans, not getting to Bible study, and always showing up late to things I had committed to because I was always at the gym. He took a back seat to my running and I wasn't even improving.
So what the heck happened?!?
Well, I'm pretty sure I just let my mind get out of control. Then one day I realized that all the reasons I had for training at all had fallen from my mind. I wasn't running to raise money for L.I.V.I.N.G. Ministry, or to honor the Lord, or to start to like running. I wasn't even running to fit into cute boots in the fall! I was running because I "had to". This was my thought process during almost every run from mid February through late March:
If I didn't get the miles in I wouldn't finish the training plan.
If I didn't finish the training plan I wouldn't be able to run the full 13.1.
If I didn't run the full 13.1 I would have done all this for nothing.
I can't run the full 13.1 anyway, I'm already doing this for nothing.
Well if it's all a waste of time anyway, I'll just walk the rest of today's distance.
I feel awful for walking. I'm a failure. I will now cry on the ride home about what I did not achieve.
Here's what then dawned on me: Running because I "have to" is toxic. It steals my joy, it doesn't glorify God, and it won't help me meet any of my goals. I want to be a person who likes to run and this wasn't the way to be come that person.
So I made a new plan:
This is what I've been doing for the last two weeks. I'm back over 2 miles again, and while I will probably have to walk a little bit on Marathon day I am finally excited again!
I'm training better than I have all year and I feel more confident than I did two months ago, this is the breakthrough I needed. Six weeks ago if you asked me how far I thought I'd run on race day I'd have hoped for 5 or 6 miles and I was so ashamed I didn't even want to tell people about it. Today I think I can make it pretty far: maybe even 10 or 11! Phillipians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, and with Christ's strength I may even be able to pull out a full 13.1! All I know is that I am finally running in a way that is sustainable and exciting.
One more thought before I wrap up and this one is important.
When I got to that last thought (I feel awful for walking. I'm a failure. I will now cry on the ride home about what I did not achieve) I got to an attitude nobody should have, especially not a follower of Christ. I know that I am unable to achieve anything on my own. I can't run a half marathon, I can't have a healthy marriage, I can't even wake up and lie down on my own power. What I'm most certain of, I could never measure up to the standard of perfection that Christs asks of his children (Matthew 5:48 - You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect).
What I do know is that it is the power of Christ that does these things in our lives. When God the Father looks at me, he sees the perfection of Christ and not my failures (of which there are many). When Christ went to the cross, he took on all sin for all eternity: right down to my laziness about running and the pride that kept me from sharing my struggle.
And this is why I'm running at all - because this is the Good News that I am blessed to share with the homeless in Pittsburgh, and blessed to share with you too! The good news that even when we fail, and we will fail, Christ steps in. We are perfect because Christ is perfect, and all we need to do is allow him to be our perfection.
So tomorrow as I go for my run, I will run with the imperfect steps of a lazy sinner with too much pride. But my pride and my laziness are being broken through the power of Christ, and my steps, both physically and spiritually, are becoming perfect through this miracle. I hope that your steps are becoming perfect too.
The last few months have been a real struggle for me in my running.
I don't know why it happened, but I really just hit a wall at 3 miles. I was embarrassed so I stopped blogging about it and started joking when people asked me how training was going. I lost all my accountability just out of pride. I felt like anybody could run 3 miles if they really tried but the thing was, I was really trying and it just wasn't going very well at all.
This got to me. I was going to the gym two or three times a week and just wasn't getting better, it really didn't make me just jump out of bed in the morning excited to hit the treadmill. I started to really dread the runs, long and short. So while I was physically putting in the time, (and a lot of time at that!), my mind was so removed that things actually started to get worse. I "couldn't" run 2 miles anymore but I was at the gym all the time. Greg started calling running my other husband. He was right too! I was cancelling dinner plans, not getting to Bible study, and always showing up late to things I had committed to because I was always at the gym. He took a back seat to my running and I wasn't even improving.
So what the heck happened?!?
Well, I'm pretty sure I just let my mind get out of control. Then one day I realized that all the reasons I had for training at all had fallen from my mind. I wasn't running to raise money for L.I.V.I.N.G. Ministry, or to honor the Lord, or to start to like running. I wasn't even running to fit into cute boots in the fall! I was running because I "had to". This was my thought process during almost every run from mid February through late March:
If I didn't get the miles in I wouldn't finish the training plan.
If I didn't finish the training plan I wouldn't be able to run the full 13.1.
If I didn't run the full 13.1 I would have done all this for nothing.
I can't run the full 13.1 anyway, I'm already doing this for nothing.
Well if it's all a waste of time anyway, I'll just walk the rest of today's distance.
I feel awful for walking. I'm a failure. I will now cry on the ride home about what I did not achieve.
Here's what then dawned on me: Running because I "have to" is toxic. It steals my joy, it doesn't glorify God, and it won't help me meet any of my goals. I want to be a person who likes to run and this wasn't the way to be come that person.
So I made a new plan:
Run as far as I can; and if I can, try to go farther than the last time. That's it. Just run. No mandatory distance, no time limits, just run until I can't run anymore. Run and feel some joy, run and see some improvement, run and pray and thank God for a body healthy enough to run at all.
This is what I've been doing for the last two weeks. I'm back over 2 miles again, and while I will probably have to walk a little bit on Marathon day I am finally excited again!
I'm training better than I have all year and I feel more confident than I did two months ago, this is the breakthrough I needed. Six weeks ago if you asked me how far I thought I'd run on race day I'd have hoped for 5 or 6 miles and I was so ashamed I didn't even want to tell people about it. Today I think I can make it pretty far: maybe even 10 or 11! Phillipians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, and with Christ's strength I may even be able to pull out a full 13.1! All I know is that I am finally running in a way that is sustainable and exciting.
One more thought before I wrap up and this one is important.
When I got to that last thought (I feel awful for walking. I'm a failure. I will now cry on the ride home about what I did not achieve) I got to an attitude nobody should have, especially not a follower of Christ. I know that I am unable to achieve anything on my own. I can't run a half marathon, I can't have a healthy marriage, I can't even wake up and lie down on my own power. What I'm most certain of, I could never measure up to the standard of perfection that Christs asks of his children (Matthew 5:48 - You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect).
What I do know is that it is the power of Christ that does these things in our lives. When God the Father looks at me, he sees the perfection of Christ and not my failures (of which there are many). When Christ went to the cross, he took on all sin for all eternity: right down to my laziness about running and the pride that kept me from sharing my struggle.
And this is why I'm running at all - because this is the Good News that I am blessed to share with the homeless in Pittsburgh, and blessed to share with you too! The good news that even when we fail, and we will fail, Christ steps in. We are perfect because Christ is perfect, and all we need to do is allow him to be our perfection.
So tomorrow as I go for my run, I will run with the imperfect steps of a lazy sinner with too much pride. But my pride and my laziness are being broken through the power of Christ, and my steps, both physically and spiritually, are becoming perfect through this miracle. I hope that your steps are becoming perfect too.
If you would like to financially support me as I share this great news through my work at LIVING Ministry, you can donate online here, mentioning "Jenna B Half Marathon" in the comment section. Using our website has the lowest processing fee available for online donations. To make a donation with no processing fee at all (your whole donation goes right to the Ministry!) you can mail a check to LIVING Ministry at 2536 Maple Ave, Pittsburgh PA 15214. Thank you for your support!
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