My Other Husband

Well folks - I'm well overdue for a post and an apology.  When I started training for the Pittsburgh half marathon in January, I had a lot of ideas about what these months would look like.  I had dreams of running an easy 5 miles on Tuesday and Thursday and gritting my teeth and conquering a 9 on Saturday.   I thought I'd write so many blog posts you'd all get tired of me.  I saw myself changing my eating habits and losing 5 pounds.....it turns out all of these goals were much more difficult than I thought they would be.

The last few months have been a real struggle for me in my running.
I don't know why it happened, but I really just hit a wall at 3 miles.  I was embarrassed so I stopped blogging about it and started joking when people asked me how training was going.  I lost all my accountability just out of pride.  I felt like anybody could run 3 miles if they really tried but the thing was, I was really trying and it just wasn't going very well at all.

This got to me.  I was going to the gym two or three times a week and just wasn't getting better, it really didn't make me just jump out of bed in the morning excited to hit the treadmill.  I started to really dread the runs, long and short.  So while I was physically putting in the time, (and a lot of time at that!), my mind was so removed that things actually started to get worse.  I "couldn't" run 2 miles anymore but I was at the gym all the time.  Greg started  calling running my other husband.  He was right too!  I was cancelling dinner plans, not getting to Bible study, and always showing up late to things I had committed to because I was always at the gym.  He took a back seat to my running and I wasn't even improving.



So what the heck happened?!?

Well, I'm pretty sure I just let my mind get out of control.  Then one day I realized that all the reasons I had for training at all had fallen from my mind.  I wasn't running to raise money for L.I.V.I.N.G. Ministry, or to honor the Lord, or to start to like running.  I wasn't even running to fit into cute boots in the fall!  I was running because I "had to".  This was my thought process during almost every run from mid February through late March:

If I didn't get the miles in I wouldn't finish the training plan.
If I didn't finish the training plan I wouldn't be able to run the full 13.1.
If I didn't run the full 13.1 I would have done all this for nothing.
I can't run the full 13.1 anyway, I'm already doing this for nothing.
Well if it's all a waste of time anyway, I'll just walk the rest of today's distance.
I feel awful for walking. I'm a failure. I will now cry on the ride home about what I did not achieve.

Here's what then dawned on me:  Running because I "have to" is toxic.  It steals my joy, it doesn't glorify God, and it won't help me meet any of my goals.  I want to be a person who likes to run and this wasn't the way to be come that person.

So I made a new plan:
Run as far as I can; and if I can, try to go farther than the last time.  That's it. Just run.  No mandatory distance, no time limits, just run until I can't run anymore.  Run and feel some joy, run and see some improvement, run and pray and thank God for a body healthy enough to run at all.  

This is what I've been doing for the last two weeks.  I'm back over 2 miles again, and while I will probably have to walk a little bit on Marathon day I am finally excited again!  

I'm training better than I have all year and I feel more confident than I did two months ago, this is the breakthrough I needed.  Six weeks ago if you asked me how far I thought I'd run on race day I'd have hoped for 5 or 6 miles and I was so ashamed I didn't even want to tell people about it.  Today I think I can make it pretty far: maybe even 10 or 11!  Phillipians 4:13 reminds us that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, and with Christ's strength I may even be able to pull out a full 13.1!  All I know is that I am finally running in a way that is sustainable and exciting.


One more thought before I wrap up and this one is important.  

When I got to that last thought (I feel awful for walking. I'm a failure. I will now cry on the ride home about what I did not achieve) I got to an attitude nobody should have, especially not a follower of Christ.  I know that I am unable to achieve anything on my own.  I can't run a half marathon, I can't have a healthy marriage, I can't even wake up and lie down on my own power.  What I'm most certain of, I could never measure up to the standard of perfection that Christs asks of his children (Matthew 5:48 - You must therefore be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect).

What I do know is that it is the power of Christ that does these things in our lives.  When God the Father looks at me, he sees the perfection of Christ and not my failures (of which there are many).  When Christ went to the cross, he took on all sin for all eternity: right down to my laziness about running and the pride that kept me from sharing my struggle.

And this is why I'm running at all - because this is the Good News that I am blessed to share with the homeless in Pittsburgh, and blessed to share with you too!  The good news that even when we fail, and we will fail, Christ steps in.  We are perfect because Christ is perfect, and all we need to do is allow him to be our perfection.

So tomorrow as I go for my run, I will run with the imperfect steps of a lazy sinner with too much pride.  But my pride and my laziness are being broken through the power of Christ, and my steps, both physically and spiritually, are becoming perfect through this miracle.  I hope that your steps are becoming perfect too.

If you would like to financially support me as I share this great news through my work at LIVING Ministry, you can donate online here, mentioning "Jenna B Half Marathon" in the comment section.  Using our website has the lowest processing fee available for online donations.  To make a donation with no processing fee at all (your whole donation goes right to the Ministry!) you can mail a check to LIVING Ministry at 2536 Maple Ave, Pittsburgh PA 15214.  Thank you for your support!

Some long overdue thoughts

It's been so long since I wrote about what's been happening!  I have a lot of things I'd like to share including thoughts on encouragement, failure, commitment, and running outdoors so this week while Greg is gone on a Spring Break backpacking trip and I have some more time at home to myself I hope to write a little more about each of these.

For now though I just want to say that today I am scheduled for a 7 mile run.  I'm planning on heading out between 2 and 2:30 to get started (although with this perfect weather and the time change I could leave much later and still be running in the warm/light evening!) on what will be the longest distance I've ever set out to conquer!  Running, walking, or alternating between the two, the longest I've ever done is a 10K which is 6.2 miles.

I know for sure I will not be able to run the full 7 miles (we'll talk about this later on in the week) but I'm excited to have a new distance record and to keep on making them week after week from here on out! It feels like a good day to go farther than ever before!

New longest run coming right up - wish me luck!

"Well, we gotta have a party!"

Today was my first outdoor run.  I haven't been running outside because I don't like the cold, but today I wasn't able to get to the gym before it closed - so an outdoor run it was.



I couldn't get to the gym this morning because I was at a memorial service for my friend Kevin.  We met at one of the shelters LIVING Ministry visits and although he didn't come to Bible study often, he regularly dropped in to say hi, share a meal he cooked for the group, or come along to play basketball or go out to eat with us.  Kevin was the kind of guy you like to be around because he's got a lot of joy and it's a contagious joy - you can't help but catch it!

As we drove to the service today, my friend Laura and I were sharing a memory of Kevin that perfectly captures the person he was.  Laura was going away home for the summer break and when Kevin found out, he looked right at her and said "Well, we gotta have a party!" He went on to list all the food we had to get to make it a good party (Kevin was well known for his adventures in cooking), and we all sat around the table and dreamed up this going away party.

Kevin made it happen.  When we came back the next week (Laura's last week before break) we had a cookout complete with all the side dishes and lots of dessert.  Everyone from the building stopped by and we just had a fun afternoon together.  And it was all thanks to Kevin!



Today my challenge was to run 5 miles.  It was the first time I ran outside in months, and the first time I had hills and cold weather to deal with.  I couldn't make the full 5 miles, but it was probably one of the best runs I've had so far.  It was beautiful and different from my routine and between all of the running and walking and stopping to stretch it was a little strange.  But for me that made it a really great way to remember Kevin - seeing the beauty, doing something different, and just being free to do my own thing.  

It has been a true blessing to get to know Kevin over the last 2 years.  It was my pleasure to run outside this afternoon and think about his life and his legacy of lightheartedness and joy.  I hope the party he's living right now is beyond anything we can ever dream up here on Earth.  Rest in Peace Kevin, we will miss you.

Registration

I love coming home to good news.

This weekend Greg and I went to West Virginia for the weekend.  We don't get to see each other all that often during the week since our schedules are kind of opposite (it's a I go to work at 8:30 AM, he often works until 9PM kind of life we lead) and the next few weekends will be pretty busy for us, so we rented a cabin and just enjoyed some time together.

While the lack of any defined running area, the 3 inches of snow, and the overall relaxed attitude of the weekend kept me from doing my long run this week (not so good) I did come home to my official registration email from the Pittsburgh Marathon (very good)!  LIVING Ministry has officially registered all of its runners - including me! - for the 2013 Marathon!

Even though I've been training for a while and my heart was set on running the Half for the Ministry, this feels like the real deal now.  My spot is secured and there is no turning back.  90 days until race day, here we go!


Take a look at what I'm running this week if you'd like to. I actually did this same program last week  but used the elliptical on a hill climber setting to build up the cardio without pounding on my knees and ankles.  Since I missed the long run and I didn't "run" the shorts either, I'll repeat this week.

Monday: Rest
Tuesday: 2.5 miles
Wednesday: Cross-train
Thursday: 3 miles
Friday: Rest
Saturday: 5 miles
Sunday: 20-30 run/walk or cross train


Thank you all for the warm words of encouragement.  It really makes me feel great when I hear from all of you throughout the week!  Keep them coming, it certainly helps to know how many people are supporting my goal!

If you would like to financially support me as I run for LIVING Ministry you can donate online here, mentioning Jenna B Half Marathon in the comment section. Using our website has the lowest processing fee available for online donations.  You can also send a check to LIVING Ministry at 2536 Maple Ave, Pittsburgh PA 15214 mentioning Jenna B Half Marathon in the memo line.  

Thank you all for the love and support - here's to another 11 miles in the books this week!

My Best Run Yet! ...and dealing with the struggle

For every single run since I started training, I had to walk at least a small part.  It's been so disheartening.  Recently I've noticed a measurable improvement - my mind was definitely quitting before my body as I wound down week 2.   The thing that got me discouraged was that I knew I would be adding mileage this week, and I began to wonder (I even wrote in my running log) "Will I ever run the whole thing?!"

Yesterday was my day people!  

It was only 2 miles which is actually less than I ran last Thursday or Friday, so I really thought it was possible, but my mind started to wander around 1.25 miles which has been a bad sign in the past.  I just told myself: No, this is the day you do it, this is the day you run it all.  

I knew I could so I just didn't let myself stop.  And I did it!  No walking at all.  Not only did I run the whole 2 miles, I did them at a faster pace than normal!  Even if I have to walk part of every training run from here on out, this was a major victory for me.


Like I said, my body can definitely do more than I give it credit for.  My legs aren't as tired as they were the first week, my heart rate is in a healthier range now that I've found a good pace, I've even gotten a good idea of when I should be drinking water as I go.  The problem is my mind.  It's so easy to just think "This is too far, I'll just walk for .10 of a mile, maybe. 25 and then run again" but I can't let myself think like that if I want to run the whole 13.1 in May.  So in the last week I started trying some different things and they all did help. I watched an episode of White Collar on Greg's tablet, I listened to sermons on my iPod, and I reminded myself what I am running for.



When I'm struggling with the temptation to quit I remind myself of the things my friends are struggling with.  If I can sit down to lunch with a recovering crack cocaine addict who lives in a building where people use literally (not figuratively, literally) every day, and she can tell me how Jesus is sustaining her, how can I not run the last half mile?  If I hear stories about a mother reconciling with her children for the first time in their adult lives, how can I not run an extra mile for the first time in mine?  If I believe Christ really has the power to change our lives if we submit to his work changing it, how can I not submit to a few miles on a treadmill?

Running has been a great reminder for me of just how difficult it is to struggle.  I try not to do hard things, I don't really like to (I mean, nobody does) and often there are people around me who are better suited or who can help me (Greg can reach the high shelves when I need something, Charles can show me how to use the printer when it breaks down, Jen and Samone can help me out in a tough conversation at the shelter, it goes on and on).

But the reality I've been considering as I struggle to keep running when I'd rather just walk is that homelessness is a serious struggle.  There is no option to not do hard things - everything is hard.  I'm sure I will have a struggle every single day I run, but at least I get two or three rest days a week, the people I'm running for don't get any.  It's a great reminder that I have to continue to pray for Jesus' much greater strength as I get tired, and for that same strength as my friends get tired too.  I hope you'll join me in praying for them this week as they struggle.  Please pray for them as they face finanical inscurity, broken relationships, and bitter cold in Pittsburgh this week (it's currently 14 degrees).


As I run for LIVING Ministry, please consider financially supporting me and my daily work sharing Christ and his hope with the homeless.  Your donation will support our shelter outreach programs, our weekly breakfast service, job fairs, and more!  You can give on our website and mention the marathon in the comment box, or visit my page on Crowdrise.  Thank you all for the encouragement and support!

Christmas Running Swag

This is a long one folks, so grab a cup of tea, put on your reading glasses, and settle in.  Or feel free to skim, I'm just happy you're here!

I'm sure some of you are wondering how the first week went, in fact, if you are reading this blog at all, it probably is because you care to know exactly that!

Well, it went...okay.  Simply okay.  I did worse than I thought I would in terms of my stamina, 2 miles was a real challenge for me.  Normally that would really have brought me down to "it was an awful mess" but I really love the fitness center I'm running at, and Greg (my very cool and supportive husband) has been encouraging me to run, and even going with me to the gym!  Not to mention all of the encouragement sent both online and in person.  All of this has really boosted my spirits and even though the running has been tough physically, I feel great mentally!



Last week I clocked in at 8.25 miles total!  I've been able to keep track thanks to this running log my sister gave me for Christmas.

I like this book a lot.  Each week is written out day by day with space to record what activity I did, where and when (which is great for recording times!), my distance that day, as well as comments about the run.  So far I've  logged every day and I'm really looking forward to reading back over these early days in a few months.  It's nice to have a written record of how things are going, and as a bonus each week comes with a helpful running tip.  Thanks Kaylee!

I got a few other things for Christmas that I was really excited about.  Mom and Dad Burdette (my awesome in-laws!) got me this running watch which will be a great tool when I start having longer runs. 

I hate having to map out my route in advance and then remember every turn so that I can get the right distance.  I knew I didn't need anything too serious, I really just want a way to know how far I've run. I tried a few iPod apps, but without a data plan, there were just a lot of inaccurate pedometers.  I tried using these when I trained for the Great Race 10K but they really didn't help because they were just so inaccurate.  I knew I would need something of a higher quality for the Half Marathon.

After a little bit of research, I came across this Accelerator Run Watch.  Instead of using GPS or pedometers, this watch instead gauges the acceleration of my movement.  Essentially as I move, a small part of the watch moves in proportion to my speed.  After entering my stride length the watch can calculate my running speed and using all of this information - my distance.  I haven't yet used it since my long run this week was only 3 miles and I used the treadmill but I am really looking forward to trying it out when I do my first outdoor long run!  The reviews were generally pretty glowing so I think this will be a fun treat in the Spring!

Last but not least, the most important equipment this Christmas came from Greg.  He promised me that if I would really get serious about running I could invest in a good pair of running shoes!  When I had made up my mind to train for the Half, Greg and I made an appointment at True Runner  (the Shadyside location is only 4 or 5 blocks from our apartment).  There I got fitted for my first pair of real running shoes.

After having my gait analyzed, I tried on a few pairs.  The analyzing was actually really simple, they just took a video of my calves down as I ran on a treadmill for about 30 seconds.  From this video they were able to identify that I put most of my weight on the inside of my foot when running - and I could really see what they meant when they showed me the video! 

I was pointed in the direction of the extra internal padding and in the end I chose the very first pair I tried on.  Their staff was great and really knew their stuff.  After trying on about 300 wedding dresses (exaggeration, don't worry) I never thought I would pick the first anything I tried on for the rest of my life, but this was the right suggestion for sure.  Thanks True Runner! 

Here they are! The Brooks Adrenaline GTS13.  I don't know too much about the different types of running sneakers on the market, but I do know that I sure love the bright blue laces, and I can definitely feel the support as I run.  I think as the mileage adds up, and I do more outdoor running, it will be a real asset to have the right kind of running shoe to keep me as stable as possible with each step and cushioned against the concrete.  

I also got a really neat, really bright jacket for outdoor runs (also from my sister!), and $30 in iTunes from my Uncle Win which I plan on using to update my very out of date running playlist.  I love the 90's but it's time for some new jams!  Here is all of my new running gear set against the beautiful hardwood of my living room haha.  Special thanks to my photographer Gregory S. Burdette for these stunning photos.

   

Finally, for those of you who are invested in my running schedule let me lay out the plan for this week.  I'll be repeating Week 1 of my training schedule to build confidence before hitting up Week 2.  This week's running schedule will be:

Monday: Rest

Tuesday: 2 miles

Wednesday: Rest

Thursday:  2.5 miles

Friday: 3 miles

Saturday: Rest

Sunday: 25-30 minute cross train or gently paced run

Normally Saturdays will be my long run day but this week Saturday will be very busy at work so I'll be using my Friday Sabbath to get the long run in.  Thank you all for the support and encouragement!

Don't forget that if you'd like to support me financially as I run with Team LIVING Ministry you can always do that here and be sure to mention the Marathon in the comment section.   If you'd like to emotionally support me as I run - feel free to leave comments as often as you'd like! 

Opening Day

Well ladies and gents - today is the first day of training!

I thought it would be good to post my thoughts and feelings before I take my first run.  It will be a good way to judge where I'm at, knowing where I started.  Once the running gets under way, I'll be sharing regularly how it's going physically as well as mentally during training.

On the whole I feel nervous - it seems like a gargantuan task ahead of me.  In my life the farthest I've ever run without stopping is about 3 miles.  I'm not sure how I'll fare with the additional 10, I'm really anxious and have a tenancy to create doubts very quickly.

But I've been praying about training without doubt!  This summer, my friend Lauren told me that running is 90% mental and if there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I can build a tower of doubt in no time.  I'm going to constantly be praying that my mind wouldn't jump to doubts about my knees, if the weather will be nice enough outside, how I will find the time to do long runs, if my pace is alright, how hard it will be to breathe, and on and on the list could go, you get the picture.


As far as today's run goes - I feel pretty confident!  The first run on my schedule is only 2 miles, I can definitely do that!  I'm also not sure yet if I'll be actually "running" today.  A friend of mine who ran the Pittsburgh Marathon two years ago suggested doing a few of the short runs on the elliptical to minimize the strain on my knees.  The miles will really add up week after week and I do have some knee troubles already, so today I'm going see how I feel when I get to the gym after work and pick the treadmill or the elliptical then.

By the end of the week I'll have about 9 miles in the book (Literally! My sister got me an awesome running calendar for Christmas!) and I can't wait to see how it goes.  I'll be sure to post an update on my first week of training, as well as the running gear I got at Christmas soon.  There are so many thoughts racing through my mind but the dominating thought for the day is: "First day, 2 miles, totally doable".  

Wish me luck!




Don't forget that if you'd like to sponsor me as I run for Team L.I.V.I.N.G. Ministry you can do that online here, making sure to mention the Marathon in the comment section!  Please feel free to search around the L.I.V.I.N.G. Ministry website while you're there!